New Jersey – Finn Saarland, a man from Fort Snelling, Minnesota, who applied for a clown school in hopes of becoming the inspiration for the next clown horror movie, has been arrested after a failed terror spree in New Jersey. Saarland, who claimed to be a horror clown, tried to scare and harm people in various locations, but was met with resistance, ridicule, and misfortune.
According to the police, Saarland’s terror spree began on Friday night, when he dressed up as a clown and entered a movie theater showing [It: Chapter Two]. He hoped to frighten the audience by jumping out of his seat and making loud noises during the scary scenes. However, his plan backfired when the audience ignored him or laughed at him. Some of them even threw popcorn and soda at him. Saarland was eventually kicked out of the theater by the staff.
Saarland then moved on to a nearby park, where he tried to scare some children who were playing there. He approached them with a fake knife and a balloon animal, and tried to act menacingly. However, the children were not impressed by his appearance or behavior. They recognized him as a fake clown and mocked him for his poor costume and makeup. They also popped his balloon animal and chased him away with sticks and stones.
Saarland’s next target was a convenience store, where he attempted to rob the cashier with his fake knife. He demanded all the money in the register and threatened to hurt anyone who resisted. However, the cashier was not intimidated by his threat. He grabbed a baseball bat from behind the counter and swung it at Saarland’s head. Saarland dodged the bat, but tripped over a display of snacks and fell to the floor. The cashier then called the police and held Saarland down until they arrived.
Saarland was arrested and taken to a police station, where he confessed to his crimes and his motives. He said he wanted to be the inspiration for the next clown horror movie, and that he thought being a horror clown was a noble and rewarding profession. He said he had applied for a clown school in New York City, where he hoped to learn the skills and secrets of professional clowns.
The police said they were baffled by Saarland’s confession and his delusions. They said they had never encountered such a case before, and that they were glad no one was seriously hurt by his actions. They said they would charge him with multiple counts of disorderly conduct, attempted robbery, assault, and trespassing.
Saarland said he regrets nothing about his terror spree, and that he still hopes to be the inspiration for the next clown horror movie. He said he believes that his story will be adapted into a film someday, and that it will be a masterpiece of horror cinema.
“I’m still confident that I can be the best horror clown ever. I’m still confident that I can make people scream and cry with terror. I’m still confident that I can make people remember why they are afraid of clowns,” he said.