San Francisco, the city by the bay, has a new problem to deal with: goblins. Yes, you read that right. Goblins. The small, green-skinned, pointy-eared creatures that are usually found in fantasy novels and video games have somehow made their way to the real world and are wreaking havoc in the Golden Gate City.
According to eyewitnesses, the goblins arrived in San Francisco last night, emerging from a mysterious portal that opened up in Golden Gate Park. They quickly spread out across the city, stealing food, clothes, and anything shiny they could get their hands on. They also showed a keen interest in the city’s culture and diversity, flocking to the most popular tourist trap in town: Fisherman’s Wharf.
There, they caused chaos and confusion among the locals and visitors alike, climbing on boats, throwing fish, and dancing to the music playing from the street performers. Some of them even tried to join the sea lions at Pier 39, much to the amusement of the spectators.
“They were everywhere,” said Amy Lee, a tourist from Texas who was visiting San Francisco with her friends. “They were so noisy and rude. They kept bumping into us and grabbing our stuff. They ruined our trip.”
But the goblins’ party didn’t stop there. After having their fill of Fisherman’s Wharf, they decided to hit the clubs and bars in the city, looking for more fun and mischief. They crashed into several venues, drinking, smoking, and flirting with anyone they could find.
“They were hilarious,” said Sami Chen, a bartender at one of the clubs that was invaded by the goblins. “They had no idea what they were doing. They kept ordering weird drinks and making funny faces. They were also very friendly and flirty. They hit on everyone, regardless of gender or species.”
The goblins’ antics have drawn mixed reactions from the public. Some people find them amusing and harmless, while others are annoyed and scared by them. The authorities have been trying to contain the situation, but so far have been unsuccessful.
“We are doing our best to capture and deport these creatures back to their own world,” said Mayor Jane in a press conference this morning. “We ask for the cooperation and patience of the citizens of San Francisco. Please do not approach or provoke these goblins. They may look cute and funny, but they are also unpredictable and dangerous.”
The mayor also urged anyone who has any information about the origin or purpose of these goblins to contact the authorities immediately.
“We don’t know where they came from or why they are here,” she said. “We don’t know if they are part of a larger invasion or just a prank gone wrong. We don’t know if they have any allies or enemies in this world or another. We don’t know what they want or what they will do next. We need answers.”
As of now, the goblins show no signs of leaving or slowing down their rampage. They seem to be enjoying their stay in San Francisco and are eager to explore more of its attractions and secrets.
Who knows what they will do next? Will they visit Alcatraz? Will they ride the cable cars? Will they go shopping at Union Square? Will they meet Batman?
One thing is certain: San Francisco will never be the same again.