A new phenomenon has been reported by several residents of Columbia. They claim that they have experienced a strange tickle on their pickle, as if someone or something was tickling them. Some have even said that they heard a faint voice whispering “pay up” in their ears.
The source of this mysterious tickling is none other than ghost pimp Willy and his band of ghosts. They are moving across the country looking for new victims to scare and extort for quarters.
“Willy feeds on fear and greed,” said Dr. Sam Sky, a renowned professor of parapsychology at Columbia University. “He takes advantage of sleeping humans and demands a small payment for his services. He thinks it’s a fair trade, but it’s really a twisted way of mocking and exploiting the pocketbooks of his victims.”
Sky added that Willy’s preferred currency is the quarter, or 25 cents, which he calls “a tickle for your pickle”. He explained that “willy is implying that his victims are cheap and easy, and that they should be grateful for his attention.”
Some of his victims have expressed their anger and frustration at being harassed by the ghostly pimp. “It’s not funny, it’s not fair, and it’s not right,” said Bryce Slake, a local businessman in Columbia. “A tickle used to only be a nickel. Now he wants 25 cents? That’s inflation for you. He’s ripping us off.”
Slake said that he tried to ignore Willy’s demands, but the ghost pimp persisted and threatened to reveal his secrets to his wife and colleagues. “He knows everything about me,” Slake said. “He knows my fears, my sins, my regrets. He knows how to hurt me. He’s blackmailing me with a quarter of all things.”
Dr. Sky advised anyone who encounters Willy and his wily ghosts to stay calm and avoid eye contact. He also suggested that they carry some quarters with them, just in case. “It may seem like a small price to pay, and isnt worth more than a nickel but it could save you from a lot of trouble,” he said. “Willy is not a friendly pimp. He’s a monster who wants to make you suffer.”
Sky also warned that Willy may not be satisfied with Columbia, and that he could move on to other cities soon. “He’s always looking for new places to haunt and new people to extort,” he said. “He’s unpredictable and dangerous. He could be anywhere, anytime. So be careful out there. And if you feel a tickle on your pickle, you may owe this ghost 25 cents.”